


if serial killers can be gay, then why can't i?

by allforus



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Closeted Character, Coming Out, Emily is a lesbian, Eventual Romance, Garcia is the supportive bff we all need, Gay, Gay Spencer Reid, Homophobia, Hurt Spencer Reid, Internalized Homophobia, JJ is the best friend, M/M, Morgan is a dumbass, New York City, Sad Spencer Reid, Slow Burn, Slurs, Triggers, Unsub | Unknown Subject, fluff at the end, i'm sorry this is kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:56:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23036572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allforus/pseuds/allforus
Summary: Spencer deals with coming to terms with his sexuality and his feelings for a fellow BAU agent.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 33
Kudos: 480





	1. shit. SHIT.

**Author's Note:**

> TW// Internalized Homophobia, use of slurs, implied homophobia, etc. 
> 
> Please be safe and take care of yourself <3
> 
> Sorry this chapter is kind of short, I promise the next one will be longer! Have a great day :)

Spencer had never truly felt comfortable around the team. They were his family, he loved them, but he knew that they didn’t really know him. His shameful nights looking at photos of men, the tingling sensation he felt when Morgan would put his arm around him, in a totally normal straight guy kind of way. He knew he wouldn’t be thrown out of the FBI, that wasn’t his concern, the Buerau was welcoming and supportive gay agents, but his feelings made him shameful. His slender physique and tiny stature had made him the target of bullies throughout his childhood, and the word faggot seemed to be the harraser’s favorite nickname for him. Regardless, Spencer had survived High School, and by the time he was 18, he was regularly hooking up with other men. But soon after these encounters, the torment from his past would consume him.

The BAU had made him a bit more comfortable with his sexuality. Dealing with gay serial killers made his feelings seem more rational to him -- If serial killers can be gay, then why can’t I ? 

The team, however, was what scared him most.Yes, they were all his friend, his family, but he felt deep down that they wouldn’t all be as supportive as he would hope. 

Garcia wouldn’t care, hell she’d probably care more about who Spencer was seeing or going to pride events than the actual fact of his sexuality. She was great like that, Spencer believed that there was no one else on the planet as loving as she was.

JJ, his best friend, already knew his secret. He had drunkenly told her one night, before crying into her shoulder, making her promise that she would never tell a soul. As far as he was aware, she hadn’t.

Hotch was a mystery. Spencer knew that he had been on the Bureau's diversity promotion board once or twice, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be disgusted by Spencer’s feelings. He could think that Spencer had watched him when they shared rooms during cases, or could assume that Spencer had been inappropriate when he babysat Jack. Neither of which were true, Hotch was far from Spencer’s type (and also his boss), and he was disgusted by the old fashioned sterotype that gay men were pedophiles.

Emily, oh Emily. He knew her secret, even if she didn’t know that he knew. The way she looked at JJ was enough for him, or anyone for that matter, to draw conclusions about her feelings for other women. 

Rossi was where he knew there would be trouble. Being the oldest member of the team, Spencer was sure that his feelings towards gay people weren’t necessrily positive. He had never had trouble working on cases with lgbt individuals, but the off-hand comments and looks he gave showed his true feelings.

Morgan. Morgan was where things got complicated. Morgan’s past was enough to make anyone homophobic. Honestly, Spencer didn’t even really blame him. The trauma that Derek had experienced was an irreversible pain that he couldn’t push aside. Morgan’s jokes about more feminine men, even Spencer himself, confirmed Spencer’s fears about him. Even calling Spencer “Pretty Boy” seemed to be more teasing than endearing.

Spencer’s feelings didn’t help the Morgan situation either. No matter how much he tried to ignore his feelings, nights where he and Morgan ended up in the same hotel room, Spencer couldn’t help but admire the abs staring him in the face. He felt weird, and frankly creepy, on those nights, but by morning he had convinced himself that the feelings he had felt were completely platonic. He didn’t sleep much on trips where he and Morgan shared rooms.

His fear of the team finding out about his romantic feelings had turned Spencer into an extremely secretive person. He lied when he was asked to go out with the team, worried that drunk Spencer would somehow end up making out with a guy on the dance floor, blowing his cover completely. Despite his secrecy, he knew the team would find out eventually. Sooner or later, if Spencer finally worked out his issues, and started dating someone, it’s not like he would be able to keep it a secret. He spent more time with the team than by himself, they’d find out eventually, he knew that they would.  
__________________________

Walking into the elevator one Wednesday morning, Spencer slipped his phone into his back pocket, not thinking to silence it. Garcia, already in the elevator, began asking him about the movie the two of them had gone to see the night before. By the time that they had made it to their floor, Spencer had completely forgotten that his phone was on in his back pocket. JJ was getting coffee, and told the two to meet in the Bullpen to discuss a new case. Entering the room, Spencer instinctively took out his phone and set it face up on the table, before taking out his notebook. The rest of the team trickled in, making small talk before Hotch entered.

“Alright guys, new case, but it’s here in DC. Have you all been hearing about the string of killing occurring near Capitol Hill?” Hotchner began. The team nodded their heads -- the murders had been on the front page of the paper for the past few days, Spencer was surprised it took DC police so long to call them in.

“We’re being called in, you know the drill. Right now, we need to work on the profile from here, but it’s likely that we’ll be heading into the city at some point today, this guy isn’t spending much time cooling down between kills.” Hotch continues. “You all work on the profile, Rossi and I are going to meet with the Chief right now to start establishing a plan with the department. We’ll be back later.” He finishes before he leaves the room.

“I guess that my cue!” Rossi says, smiling before leaving the room to join their boss.

The remaining team members began discussing the case, but were interrupted by a noise that Spencer recognized.

The dinging, wait, is that the grindr notification sound? That’s embarrassing for whoever-  
He realized it too late. The noise was coming from his phone, the phone sitting on the table, in view of all of his coworkers. The phone sounded again. Before Spencer even thought to grab the phone, Emily and Garcia were picking it up, ready to tease him about who they assumed was a girl messaging him.

“Ooooh Spencie has a lady friend!” Garcia said loudly, before looking at the phone.

Spencer didn’t have time to process what was happening. It was too late. He could see the message on his phone screen.

From BigDaddy69: Hey baby boy, you’re cute, what are you up to?

Shit. SHIT. Spencer had forgotten to turn off the notifications he had turned on late last night.

“Wait why is some guy- Oh. OH.” Emily said, rereading the message. 

Spencer didn’t stick around to hear the rest of Emily’s comment. He didn’t even bother to grab his phone. He was running out of the meeting room, past his desk straight to the bathroom, where he locked himself in and began to cry.


	2. well fuck, you ok?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer goes home and deals with the aftermath of being outed to his team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Internalized Homophobia, use of slurs, implied homophobia, etc.
> 
> Please be safe and take care of yourself <3
> 
> Thanks for the support for chapter one! This chapter's kinda short but another one will be up tonight or tomorrow

Spencer stayed in the bathroom for 20 minutes. He didn’t know what to do, where to go. He knew that Emily felt awful, he didn’t blame her for saying that outloud, she probably didn’t even realize what she was reading until she had read it.

Sneaking out of the bathroom was easier than he thought it would be. He found his cellphone on his desk, and the rest of the team members appeared to still be in the bullpen. He quickly grabbed his phone and sped-walked to the elevator, which was thankfully vacant.

He couldn’t bear to explain why his eyes were red and why he was leaving by himself at 9:45 in the morning. He clicked on his phone to see 6 new messages.

Emily Prentiss: I’m so sorry Spencer  
Emily Prentiss: Let me know that you’re okay, ok? Text or call me when you can.

Penny Garcia <3: oh baby :(  
Penny Garcia <3: i’m so so sorry   
Penny Garcia <3: call me asap genius

JJ: well fuck. you ok?

Nothing from the only other person who has heard what the message was. Okay, maybe Morgan didn’t realize what it had said or he was just disgusted by him. Ha. Spencer knew it had to be the later. He didn’t really care right now.

He made his way to his car before sending a quick text to his boss

Me: Hotch, not feeling well, is it alright if I work on the profile from home this morning?  
Aaron Hotchner: Of course, Spencer. Keep me updated. Work on the geo-profile.

Well shit. Hotch never called him by his first name. Someone had definitely told him what happened.

His drive home, which normally consisted of blasting music and talking to himself was silent. He wasn’t even thinking. He was on autopilot the entire way to his apartment.

By the time he made it upstairs, another wave of emotional trauma and fear washed over him. How would he ever go back to the office? Or talk to any of them? He didn’t even get to come out to them when he was ready. That was taken away from him. 

He attempted to work on the geographical profile of the killer, but soon ended up on his leather couch, where he passed out.

When he woke up, the sun had set and the lights of the city were the only things illuminating his apartment. He sat up, realizing that he had never finished the profile for Hotch. He quickly picked up his phone, seeing the 16 messages and 2 missed phone calls that he had received while he had been asleep. 

The two calls had come from Garcia. The voicemail she left was sweet, just asking him to let her know that he was okay when he could. He texted her and told her that he was okay and safe.

5 texts from Hotch. First, asking about the profile, but the last 3 were assuring him that he loved and accepted and deserved the day off, and to let him know if there was anything that he could do.

3 texts from JJ, just checking in and wanting to hear from him. He sent her a quick text, telling her that he was okay but didn't want to talk.

The remaining 8 texts are the ones that scared him. 4 from Emily, 3 from Rossi, and 1 from Morgan. 

God. Morgan, probably asking him if he had peeped on him when they shared a room.

Rossi’s texts were nice. He was surprised, actually, because Rossi never texted.   
David Rossi: Uh, hey kid.  
David Rossi: Hotch told me what happened, sorry if you didn’t want him to. I get it.  
David Rossi: I hope that you’re alright, you know that I love you, right?

That sent Spencer into tears. His own father being such an asshole, Spencer had always looked up to Rossi as a sort of father figure, much like he had with Gideon. He sent back a simple “Thank you Dave <3”.

Emily had sent an entire essay explaining everything to him. Her feelings for JJ, how she knew how he felt, etc. Her most recent text was asking if he was awake, and had only been sent a few minutes before. He responded with a quick yes, deciding to respond to her other text later.

Morgan was the only person he hadn’t responded to. He was scared to open the message, he knew it wasn’t going to be good.

Derek Morgan: Hey Pretty boy. I’m sorry I didn’t text or call you earlier. Things have been kind of crazy around the office, haha. How are you? Well, obviously not great but you know what I mean. Call Penelope soon ok? She’s freaking out. Uh yeah. Just let me know. 

The text was better than Spencer had expected. Morgan was avoiding the obvious, yes, but it wasn’t filled with slurs or “please don’t say you have a crush on me haha”. He reread the message at least 5 times before shutting off his phone and laying back down, closing his eyes.   
He was almost asleep when a knock at his door shook him back awake. He ignored it, rolling over, but the knock came again. As he walked to open it, a part of him hoped that it was Morgan, there to confess his love for Spencer, but he knew that wasn’t the case. It was probably Garcia, or maybe JJ. The person he, for some reason least expected, was there instead. 

Emily stood there, slightly out of breath from the stairs, in sweatpants and a sweater. They stood in silence, just staring at each other until Spencer broke down.


	3. oh it's nothing, nothing i swear!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily comforts Spencer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Homophobia, internalized homophobia, use of slurs, etc
> 
> Please take care of yourself <3
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Please comment with suggestions and/or your thoughts so far!

Emily led Spencer to the couch in his living room as he continued to cry into her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair as she tried to soothe him.

It took ten minutes, but he had finally calmed down.

“God. This is embarrassing, I'm sorry Em” Spencer said, wiping his tear-filled eyes on the sleeves of his shirt.

“You’re fine Spencer, totally fine,” Emily said, smiling as he looked up at her. “I wanted to check in on you, make sure that you were actually okay and not just lying to make Penelope feel better.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry for worrying you guys. I fell asleep once I got home and didn’t wake up until about fifteen minutes ago. Everyone texted me, is everyone talking about me?” Spencer asked, suddenly panicked.

Emily knew she couldn’t lie to her friend.

“Well, yes, but not in the way I know you’re thinking. Everyone is just really worried about you. I’m still really worried about you. You never sleep, especially during the day.”   
“I know, I know. I just couldn’t deal with everything you know? I think my brain just shut off the second I saw that notification.” Spencer explained, Emily nodded.

“I still feel awful by the way.”

“You couldn’t have known! If it had been yours or JJ’s phone I probably would've done the same!” Spencer exclaimed. He noticed his friend blush slightly at the mention of a certain blonde.

“I should’ve known better though. I assume you read the text that I sent you earlier?” The genius nods, and she continues, “If someone would’ve read my texts to a girl or seen some of the pictures I have saved of…. you know I should’ve just known. And I’m sorry.”

Spencer smiles at her. He forgot for a moment about the brunette’s crush on their dear friend. “How long have you liked her anyways?”

“Nice deflection. And yes. I like her. And have since I joined the team. But I’m not talking to you about this.”

Spencer rolled his eyes but smiled. He was glad that she wasn’t pushing the whole, Spencer being gay thing. He was glad to be distracted by her.

“So what are you going to do about all of this? You can’t just call in sick forever, you know that right? You are Hotch’s favorite but he can’t let you hole up in here forever.”

“ I am SO not his favorite” Spencer said, laughing. Emily just grinned at him.

“Isn’t it weird that two team members are gay like, it probably has never happened before.” He continues.   
Emily smirks, but when asked, she says “Oh it’s nothing, nothing I swear!”

Spencer is once again rolling his eyes. God, he feels good when he’s laughing.

“I have to come back tomorrow, I know I do. I just don’t wanna deal with everyone’s questions, you know?”

“I get that. Why don’t you meet me for coffee before we head in tomorrow, and we can go in together. I promise that no one's going to treat you differently, Garcia might bring you cookies but you know that that's just how she is.” Emily suggested. 

Spencer smiled at her and agreed to meet her at the coffee shop just down the road from their office at 8:30 the next morning.

Once she had left, Spencer changed out of his work pants and button-up, before crawling into his bed and passing out.

__________________________

The next morning, Spencer had woken up early, probably because he had slept for the majority of the day before, and was ready by 7:45. He decided to go to the coffee shop early, there was no use in waiting around his apartment.

He ordered a large latte when he arrived and sat and read waiting for Emily to arrive. When she did, he had already finished his drink, and gladly accepted the second cup that his friend brought to the table.

“You ready? Hotch texted and asked if we could come in a bit early, apparently something happened with the case earlier.” She asks.  
“Yeah of course. Why didn’t he text me”

“I think he assumed that you’d still be out today.”

“God, everyone is going to be talking about me. This feels like high school all over again.”

“I liked high school!” Emily argues, “Well, some of it. But that's beside the point. No one told anyone outside of the team anything and you know that you’re our family. We love you.”

Spencer nods and tries to fake a smile. He’s not very worried, he knows that no one would tease him or talk about it unless he wanted to, but he couldn’t bear to look at his coworkers, his friends.

The pair walked out of the coffee shop and to their building. Walking inside, everything seemed normal. Good, Spencer thought, this is good. Clicking the “Up” button for the elevator, he smiled at Emily before looking back at the doors, which had opened. 

There was one person in the elevator. Probably the one person who Spencer couldn’t handle speaking to.

Morgan was staring him right in the face.


	4. so, new york huh?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spencer returns to work and the team gets a new case

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// homophobia, internalized homophobia, use of slurs, etc.
> 
> please take care of yourself and stay safe, feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to <3
> 
> hi guys! hope you enjoy this chapter, finally getting into the main plot! also, I promise that morgan isn't a dick the whole story lol

“Oh, uh, hey kid, what’s up?” Morgan reluctantly asks as he steps back, making room for Emily and Spencer in the elevator.

“I’m doing alright, yourself?” Spencer asks, trying to seem as normal as possible.

“I’m also doing alright.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

“Jesus Christ, you two are the worst. Derek, do you know what happened to the case?” Emily interrupts, making Spencer instinctually turn to face the two of them.

“I have no clue, I didn’t think you’d be here today Reid,” Morgan responds.

“Well, I am.” is all Spencer can manage to say before the elevator opens onto their floor. 

The genius b-lined to the coffee machine, quickly pouring his third cup of the morning before walking to JJ.

“Hey Spence, didn’t know you were coming in today, you ok?” She asks, putting her hand on his shoulder.

“I’m fine I’m fine, just anxious to get started.” 

“When aren’t you. Anyways, Henry asked about you yesterday, he heard me leaving you a message, and asked if you’d come over soon to help him build his new lego set, apparently you’re AMAZING at legos.” JJ says, laughing when talking about her son’s obvious admiration for the young genius.

“Of course! I love hanging out with Henry. Maybe this weekend?”

“That sounds great!”

Just then, Hotch was calling for them to meet him in the meeting room. A wave of anxiety fell over Spencer. He didn’t want to be stuck in a room with the people who knew his secret. The secret that he swore he would never share. JJ noticed his change in demeanor, and squeezed his hand, before walking to the conference room.

They were the last people to arrive. Rossi was sitting next to Garcia, who was showing him something on her phone that was making him roll his eyes, and Morgan and Emily were comparing notes from yesterday’s profile. Hotchner stood at the front of the room.

“Alright, since everyone’s here, we can get started.” He began, as JJ and Spencer took seats away from the others.

“This morning, two officers caught the capital hill killer, so we are no longer on the case. We weren’t involved enough to have to do the paperwork, either.”

“How do they know that he was our guy?” Morgan asks.

“He had his next victim, she was lucky that they heard her screams,” Hotch answers, before nodding towards Garcia, who stood up and began preparing the TV.

“God, another case already?” Emily says, dramatically falling back in her chair.

“Killers don’t stop killing just because you’re tired Prentiss,” Rossi says with a wink. The team laughs.

“Anyways, our new case is in New York City. Garcia?” Hotchner says, giving the floor to the team’s technical analyst.

“Okay you guys, be ready, this is a bad one. Four victims so far, all blunged and raped, and… you can look at your tablets, it’s gnarly.” She begins.

“Their faces were cut off?” Morgan asks, examining the pictures of the men on their tablets.

“Yep. These poor souls were found propped up against a gay bar in Greenwich Villiage in the middle of the night. All of the bodies were discovered by morning commuters, completely naked.”

The awkward silence confirms Spencer’s suspicions. The team had realized just how ironic it was that the first case following Spencer’s “coming out” “Was it even coming out if he didn’t want it to happen?”. 

“Um, were these men homosexual?” Morgan tentatively asks.

“Yes, all of them were prominent in the local LGBT community. The neighborhood is completely on edge, and our guy is only speeding up between kills. You guys better get there soon.” Garcia finishes.

“She’s right. Wheels up in 30.” Hotch says, before leaving the room.

The awkward energy in the room quickly disappeared as people left to go get ready for the case. Garcia and Spencer were the only ones left. 

“I love you, Spence, you know that right?” She told him, smiling in his direction.

“Love you too Penelope.” He responded before giving her a quick hug and leaving to go get ready. He appreciated her giving him space, she always knew exactly what people needed.

Getting his go-bag ready was easy enough, and after grabbing a bagel from the break room and refilling his coffee club, he made his way onto the jet before any of his other team members. He sat in his usual seat, pulling out his phone and scrolling through social media while eating the asiago bagel he had grabbed for breakfast. Soon, he heard footsteps, and Morgan appeared before him.

“Hey, kid,” was all Morgan said before taking a seat across from him. He guessed that Morgan had finally given up on trying to make awkward conversation with him, maybe things would go back to normal.

“So, New York huh?” Morgan continued. 

“Yeah! Did you know that over 270,000 gay and bisexual people live in New York City, which is higher than Los Angles and San Fransico combined? Most people assume that San Francisco is the-” Spencer started, oversharing like he normally did when he felt nervous or awkward.

“Really? I didn’t know that. Did you know that just because you’re you or because you're gay?” Morgan said in a serious tone.

Spencer wasn’t sure if it was a joke. 

“Um, well-” He started, but the remainder of the team entered the jet, and the two men became silent.

The hour and a half flight to the city allowed Spencer to think. He didn’t know what Morgan had meant by that. Was he trying to be funny? Was he making fun of him? He wasn’t sure. The rest of the team had seemed to go back to normal, and Spencer appreciated their regularity. Morgan wouldn’t look at him, and Spencer couldn’t help but question if Morgan hated him.


	5. especially not to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team arrives in NYC, chaos insues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// use of slurs, homophobia, etc
> 
> sorry it's taken me so long to update! life had been pretty hectic, but i'm out of school for the next two weeks, so hopefully updating will be more consistent!
> 
> take care of yourself and stay safe!! lots of love

After arriving in the city, the team separated. On the flight, Hotch had given them their assignments. He and Emily were going to the police department, Rossi and Morgan were going to check out the most recent crime scene, and Spencer and JJ were asked to go talk to the most recent victim’s boyfriend. Driving in the city might be Spencer’s least favorite thing to do, but Hotch insisted that they should take one of the SUVs, not the subway.

With JJ behind the wheel, Spencer stared aimlessly at the traffic beyond the windows of the car. Honking, talking, and the rest of the noises of the city occupied his mind, along with the intrusive thoughts invading his mind, insisting that Morgan hated him. JJ noticed his unusual quietness.

“What’s on your mind, Spence?” She asked tentatively, knowing that he still didn’t seem to want to talk about what had occurred days prior.

“Nothing,” Spencer said, before realizing that JJ wouldn’t stop until she had a real answer. “I guess I just, things are really weird ever since everyone found out. I know that I should just move on but I can’t help but feel like I need to talk about what happened with everyone. I can’t just pretend it didn’t happen, especially since I’m sure not everyone is entirely comfortable with it.”

“Who? Rossi? I know he’s a hell of a lot older than you but you know that man is not homophobic right?” JJ laughs, making Spencer smile. “If you want to talk about it, then talk about it. You need to do whatever will make you feel more comfortable and whatever will make you do your job best because we need your mind for this one genius.”

“I think I will, I just need a bit more time, you know?” 

JJ nodded, understanding that her best friend still wasn’t very comfortable with himself.  
When they finally arrived at the apartment of the boyfriend’s apartment, Spencer was feeling much better. His fears were still present in the back of his mind, but talking with JJ about mundane things kept his mind occupied. Knocking at the door, the two of them were met by a blonde man, who, for lack of a better term, looked like shit.

“Oh, hey. Yeah, the cops told me you guys were coming over. Come in, come in, sorry about the mess.” He said, holding open the door.

As they walked inside, Spencer noticed a picture frame with the man before him and another man, who he assumed was their most recent victim, kissing in Times Square. He hated to admit it, but the picture made him jealous. He could never imagine being comfortable enough to kiss any man in public like that.

They sat with the man on his couch, before asking him questions about his whereabouts, what he and his boyfriend’s daily schedules were, etc. He and JJ didn’t end up being there very long, it was clear that the boyfriend, whose name was Marcus, wouldn’t be much help. They thanked him and headed back to the police station.

The rest of the day was spent working on the profile, which ended up more challenging than the team was used to. They decided to head back to the hotel around 9, not having made much progress since arriving that morning. The most they had been able to do was ensure that police were stationed around the bars that the killer seemed to frequent.

Luckily, they were all able to get their rooms. Sometimes, especially when they had cases in smaller towns, they had to double or triple up in rooms. Spencer got his key and quickly went up to his room.

He stripped off his clothes and took a hot shower, trying to focus his mind on the case instead of his issues. He didn’t like spending any time away from cases while they were solving them. Tonight, however, his brain seemed to only focus on his life. He changed into the sweatpants and hoodie that were packed in his go-bag, before clicking on his phone, which had one message.

Penny Garcia <3: hey boy wonder, facetime or call me if you can tonight? I know you’re busy with this case but I wanna talk to you

He called her, not having anything else to do. It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to his friend, but he knew what she wanted to talk to him about.

“Hey, Spence! How’s New York?” She asked when she answered the phone.

“It’s alright, how’s Quantico?” He asked in response.

“It’s the same, but you know I didn’t call you to talk about work.”

Fuck, he REALLY didn’t want to talk about this.

“Is it just me, or is Derek being weird?” She asked, which shocked Spencer.

“Oh, I don’t know, kind of I guess.” Is all he could say, trying not to mention his awkward interactions with his coworker that had occurred in the past few days.

“He called me earlier and told me he needed to talk to me when you guys got back, which isn’t like him. I’m worried Spencie, did something happen today?” 

“Th- That is weird. Hm. I wasn’t really with him today. I’m sure he’s okay though, I could go check on him, if you wanted me to? Or not. I could also definitely not. Whatever you want me to do.” He nervously rambled.

“Really? You wouldn’t mind? I have a feeling he’ll talk to you about whatever's going on in his gorgeous mind. Thanks lover boy” Garcia graciously accepted his offer before hanging up the call.

Well, he was in a bit of pickle. He really didn’t want to talk to Derek, but he didn’t want to explain WHY to Garcia. He didn’t think she’d talk him up on the offer.

Reluctantly pulling himself up from his bed, Spencer slipped his shoes back on before grabbing his phone and card key and leaving his room. The fluorescently lit hotel hallway was quiet, and Spencer wasn’t sure which room was Morgans. He pulled his phone out of his hoodie pocket to check his messages for the text that Hotch usually sent out once they arrived in a new hotel.

FROM: Aaron Hotchner   
TO: Derek Morgan, JJ, Emily Prentiss, David Rossi, Spencer Reid (ME)  
Hello all, rest up so we can get back to work early tomorrow. I’m in room 916, Rossi is in room 914, Prentiss room 917, JJ room 915, Morgan Room 918, and Reid room 919. See you bright and early.

Spencer hated to admit it, but Hotch’s somewhat motherly like attributes always made him smile. Spencer turned to the door that was adjacent to his and lightly knocked on room 918. After a few moments, a tall man appeared in the doorway.

“What do you want, kid? I’m tired and not really in the mood to ta-” He started, before being cut off.

“No, you don’t get to make excuses when you worry Penelope enough to call ME of all people to ask if you’re okay. What is so wrong that you can’t tell your “babygirl” about it? She’s worried, Morgan, really worried.” The force of his voice shocked Spencer, he didn’t realize how frustrated he truly was with the other man.

“Okay, I don’t know why Garcia called you, I’m sorry about that, but I really just can’t talk about this right now, especially not with you,” Morgan said, before attempting to close his hotel door. A hand prevented him from fully shutting it.

“Especially not with ME?!? What does that even mean Derek? Are you really so uncomfortable with me that you can’t even talk to me as a friend? Yes, Derek, I’m gay. I have sex with men. I’m a faggot, a queer, whatever! Whatever the hell you want to call me, I am. I honest to god thought that you would be mature enough to treat me with the same respect as you used to, but I guess not. I was just trying to help our friend be less worried, but clearly, you don’t care about me or her. Next time, just be fucking honest with me, okay?”

The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could even process what he was saying, and he turned around and re-entered his room before Morgan had the chance to respond.


	6. you guys will figure it out, you always do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another victim is found early the next morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i hope you all enjoy this chapter, let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> sorry this took me so long to get out, more consistent updating is going to happen from now on.
> 
> huge TW for homophobia, violence, use of slurs, etc 
> 
> stay safe and take care of yourself! ily

Spencer ignored the calls and texts he was getting. He assumed they were from his teammates. It was just his luck that the eight of them were all assigned rooms next to each other, and that the walls were paper-thin.

He knew he shouldn’t have blown up at Derek, but there was nothing he could do now. He rolled over and closed his eyes, attempting to fall asleep.

Only a few hours later, Spencer woke up to a knock on the door. Rubbing his eyes and looking at the clock, he realized that it was only 4:02, so it probably wasn’t anyone wanting to talk about him blowing up at Morgan.

It was JJ at the door.  
“A victim was just found like, 3 minutes ago,” she says, checking her watch, “We need to go, can you be ready in 5?”

“Yeah, yeah I’ll meet you in the lobby,” He says before closing the door and quickly putting on a pair of pants and one of the button-ups folded in his bag, the bag that he hadn’t bothered to unpack the night before. Brushing his teeth and slipping on his shoes, he made it out the door by 4:07.

It appeared that JJ, and most of the team, were already in the hotel lobby. It was just his luck that the only other person leaving their room was the person he REALLY didn’t want to see.

Derek just stood there looking at him, unsure as to what he should do.

Spencer didn’t acknowledge the man as he walked down the stairs, deciding to opt for the stairs instead of taking the elevator.

The team was standing by the front doors, talking in hushed voices. Walking up to them, Spencer expected them to be discussing the case, the most recent victim, or even their personal lives. He didn’t, however, expect them to be talking about him.

Approaching them, he heard “did you hear” “oblivious” “how long till he figures it out”. He wasn’t sure what they meant by that, but hearing his name intertwined with their words made his stomach drop.

“Hello Reid,” Hotch says, looking up from his phone to meet the eyes of his obviously flustered friend.

Morgan joined the team, and they separated into different cars, beginning the drive to the most recent murder site.  
Sitting in the back of an SUV with JJ and Rossi, Spencer wasn’t sure if they would mention what everyone had heard the night before. But they didn’t, they drove in silence until they arrived at the scene. 

It was brutal, despite the police’s attempt to block off the front of the bar, a crowd had formed around the police tape. Early morning runners, people who were still out from the night before, and people who had clearly just woken up, still wearing pajamas. 

JJ and Hotch went to go deal with the crowd of people asking questions, while the rest of them examined the scene. It matched the previous ones, not surprisingly. They worked with the police for a while, before the medical examiners took away the body. Police told the crowds to go home, and soon the team was alone on the city block, the first rays of the sun peeking behind the tall city buildings. Spencer checked his watch, seeing that it was now almost six.

“Alright people, we have a few hours until we hear back any details from the medical examiners and the police have no new leads, so we’re just going to have to go with our profiles. I think it’s too late to go back and sleep for a few more hours, so why don’t we just head to the station now.” Hotch says, the team nodding in agreement.

By the time they made it to that station, Emily had complained enough for them to stop at a Mcdonalds to get coffee and egg sandwiches, much to Rossi’s dismay; “They aren’t even real eggs!”

The police station was quiet, not many people were in for the day yet. Spencer set up with Hotch and Prentiss in one of the conference rooms, trying to figure out why the unsub was leaving the bodies all within one square mile of each other. Spencer wasn’t sure how the guy hadn’t been caught by dozens of cops roaming the streets every night.  
By lunch, the station was busy, and it was getting more difficult to focus on the case. JJ and Morgan had gone to a location called in anonymously, but it was a dead-end, clearly some kid’s idea of a joke. Spencer was getting coffee when he felt his phone ringing in his pocket. Garcia was calling him.

“Hey boy genius, what’s up?” she said as he answered the phone.

“Not much around here, this case is so frustrating, we have absolutely zero leads.”

“You guys will figure it out, you always do.” 

“So, did you find any leads, should I go find Hotch? Why are you calling me?” He asked, stirring the cream into his freshly brewed cup of coffee.

“Well, I was just wondering what happened with Derek last night? You never responded to my texts and he stopped acting as weird as he was so I assume you actually talked to him?” She questioned, sounding a bit off.

Shit. He had completely forgotten that that was why he had talked to Derek the night before.

“Oh, I did, uh, I guess there wasn’t a lot to report, sorry I didn’t respond last night.”

“Okay, it’s okay Spence seriously, are you sure there wasn’t anything to report?”

Well, Derek had obviously told her about his explosion the night before. Of course, he had, she was his best friend. He couldn’t be mad at him for telling her.

“Spencer?”

Oh yeah, Penelope was still on the phone.  
“Sorry, sorry I’ve gotta go, I’ll talk to you later?” He said before hanging up. He felt bad leaving her like that, but he still couldn’t even think about talking about the words that he had said. He was harsh. Thinking about what he had said, he felt guilty.

Shaking his head, trying to clear his mind, he picked up his drink and began walking down the hall back to the conference room. He made it back before realizing that he had left his phone by the coffee machine. Walking back to the room, he noticed some cops standing near the break room. Slipping past them to the coffee machine, he was able to hear their conversation.

“Can you believe he’s killing fags? Honestly, doing the city a favor if you ask me”

The laughs coming from the other men shook Spencer to his core. He wasn’t sure what to do. He reached for his phone and put it in his pocket, but couldn’t seem to turn around. The men had continued their conversation, talking about having to protect those who were “a threat to society” and whatnot. Spencer was used to run-of-the-mill homophobia, but usually not police saying that gay people didn’t deserve protection from them. He stood there, breathing heavily, unsure of what he should do. 

When he finally got the courage to turn around, he saw the fist hit the cop’s face, and he saw the man fall to the ground, clenching his cheek. 

The fist in question belonged to someone Spencer never expected it to be, the very man who had been called homophobic not even a day earlier.

“Don’t you dare say anything like that ever again, you hear me?” Derek yelled in the man's face.

The commotion that followed, police surrounding Derek, Hotchner and the team running to see what had happened, people calling Spencer’s name, was all a blur.

Spencer just stood there, staring at the scene before him.


	7. oh my god. oh my god.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch and the team find out what happened, and the team spends a much needed night relaxing with pizza and booze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i don't know how to feel about this chapter, let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> as per usual, TW for homophobia, etc.
> 
> remember to stay safe and take care of yourself!

Spencer found himself sitting in an interrogation room with his boss and Derek. He still hadn’t properly processed what had happened. Derek, a man who, despite his muscle and past, was never violent, had punched a cop in the face. The cop was okay for the most part, a black eye, and swollen cheek, but nothing permanent. Spencer knew that Derek could have done much worse.

“What the hell happened out there?” Hotchner asked, looking between the two men.

Spencer said nothing, he wasn’t even sure why he was being involved in this. Yes, he saw it happen, but he wasn’t encouraging Derek, or even truly aware of what had happened leading up to the altercation. 

“Hotch, if you had heard what he said, you would’ve done the same,” Derek said, attempting to defend his actions.

“Well, what did he say? Because he’s claiming that you came out of nowhere and punched him, and you know what has to happen if that's the case.”

Morgan told Hotch what the man had said in a hushed voice. Upon hearing Derek’s recount of what happened, their boss's face turned soft, realizing that his friends and team members weren’t in the wrong. As quickly as his face softened, it became angry.

“I’m gonna kill that son of a-” He started, standing up. Morgan quickly stood and grabbed his arm.

“I’ve already done enough damage Hotch, it’ll only be worse if you do something, and you know that”

“Well, we can’t have these kinds of people working with our team, especially on this case. You two stay in here, I’ll be back in a bit.” Hotch said, nodding at Morgan to sit back in the chair.

Once their boss left the room, the two men looked at each other. They didn’t speak for a long time, just staring at each other. The older man had his arms crossed and was leaning back in a more relaxed manner. The younger, thinner man was more rigid, sitting up straight and playing with his hands. Neither wanted to be the first to speak.

“Why did you do it?” Spencer finally whispers, not sure if the other man can hear him.

“What do you mean, why? Why did I punch someone or why did I get mad at a disgusting piece of shit?”

“Well, both I guess. I don’t know. I just- nevermind.”

“You don’t get to nevermind me, seriously Reid? What the hell is up with you? Yelling at me in earshot of the entire team and ignoring me like I'm some monster? What have I ever done to you?”

Spencer didn’t say anything, he didn’t know if he would ever be able to apologize to Derek. He knew he should, it was wrong for him to treat him the way that he had when Spencer had no clue if Derek was actually uncomfortable with the whole him being gay thing.

“For the record, I punched that son of a bitch because he was being disgusting and shouldn’t be a cop.”

“Thank you” Spencer said, so quietly he wasn’t sure he heard it himself. Looking up, he saw Derek break into a small smile.  
“So, are you ever gonna tell me why you blew up at me Pretty Boy?” the man asked him, scooting his chair closer, awkwardly.

Yet another question that Spencer didn’t want to answer. He just sat there, twiddling his fingers. 

“I’m sorry,” was all that the younger man could muster up. 

Saving them from the awkward situation, their boss reappeared in the room, holding the two men’s stuff from the conference rooms.

The team has agreed that we can no longer work with this department, and the department has given us complete jurisdiction over this case, so we’re heading back to the hotel and setting up there.” Hotch says, handing the two men their belongings.

Spencer was shocked, he had expected Hotch to send Morgan home, maybe him too, since he was technically involved.

“This isn’t me excusing you using violence, Morgan, but we can deal with this right now. We still need to catch this guy, and we won’t have an entire police force to help us, so let's get to work.”

Spencer found the rest of the team standing by the doors, all of them with hard looks on their faces. He assumed that Hotchner had told them what had happened. Emily gave Spencer a small smile before they walked out of the station, silent. 

Arriving back at the hotel, Hotchner agreed to use his room as a main base, and they all set up in there, dragging chairs from their individual rooms in, as well as one or two of the hotel desks. They got back to work while Hotch made a few phone calls, alerting Quantico of the situation. Apparently, their superiors were okay with the situation, as long as the investigation ended soon and if they were willing to hand the killer over the NYPD. Hotch agreed.

Hours later, the team called it a night. They had a new plan. Not one that Spencer was necessarily the happiest about. Morgan, Hotch, and himself were going to go undercover to the few bars that the unsub tended to frequent the following day, and hopefully, find the unsub. He knew it was just part of the job, but going undercover with his two straight coworkers to gay bars made his stomach tie itself into knots.

Before leaving for their own rooms, a few boxes of pizzas had been delivered to the room. The note attached to them was signed PG. Of course, she had sent them food, sometimes Spencer forgot how much she cared about the 6 of them.

They devoured the food, all hungry from a hard day’s work. A bottle of liquor, which had mysteriously shown up on one of the many desks in the room (Spencer knew better than to out Emily as the owner), was being passed around. Spencer took a swing, despite him not being a big drinker, before passing it along. Most of the team, especially Emily, Morgan, and JJ, were definitely drunk by the time that they all headed to their own rooms for the night. Rossi, both because of the alcohol and his usual behavior, kissed their cheeks before going back to his own room for the night. 

Smiling, Hotch kicked the remaining team members out of his room, claiming that he hadn’t slept “in weeks”. They weren’t sure if he was joking, because it was Hotch, and lack of sleep was a part of his everyday life.

In the hallway, Emily pulled JJ aside, whispering something to her, before returning to her room. JJ was beet red and smiled at the two remaining people in the hallway before clumsily returning to her own hotel room.

Morgan and Reid stumbled down the hall to their rooms. Morgan was genuinely drunk, having had the majority of the bottle, and Spencer felt drunk, but he wasn’t sure if it was just because he rarely drank. 

When they reached their rooms, Spencer smiled at his friend before turning around to unlock his door. That’s when he felt a hand on his back that sent tingles up his spine.

“Kid, hey, listen to me. I’m sorry I’ve been kinda shitty the past few days. I’ve just, you know, had a lot on my mind. My god it’s A LOT of shit. But whatever, I just wanted to say sorry. Yeah.”

Spencer smiled widely at the obviously intoxicated man, before turning back around to his door. Pulling out his key, he was suddenly turned around.

What happened next shocked both Spencer and Derek. Derek pushed his against the hotel door and stared at his, before smashing their lips together. The kiss was sloppy, neither of them fully aware of what was happening. Spencer wrapped his arms around Derek's neck, pulling him closer. Just when he thought Derek would suggest coming into Spencer’s room with him, the pair heard the voice of their close friend.

“Oh my god. Oh my god.” Emily said. The two pulled apart quickly, separating and staring at the woman down the hall from them. 

“I’m, I’m sorry. I’m really really drunk and left my phone in Hotch’s room. I’m sorry. Oh God. I’m sorry I’m just going to uh.” The brunette quickly knocked on their boss's door before pulling open the unlocked door and hurrying inside.

Spencer’s mind was numb. He wasn’t really sure what was happening. Before he knew it, Derek was rushing into his room and slamming the door behind him.   
Spencer stood alone in the hallway for a bit, before slowly turning around and entering his room, his mind racing.


	8. you have got to stop apologizing, pretty boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i don't know how i feel about this chapter, let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> how are you doing? hope quarantine is going alright. 
> 
> enjoy this chapter!

The next morning, Spencer woke up with a headache. He didn’t think that he’d drunk enough to get a hangover, but remembering what had occurred the night before, he realized why his head hurt.

He had cried himself to sleep. He hadn’t done anything like that since he was in high school. It was kind of pathetic, but he couldn’t help it. Emily seeing the two of them, Derek running away, all of it. He wasn’t sure what this meant. What he was going to do? He didn’t know if Emily had told anyone, or if Derek was too drunk to remember what had happened. Or, if he did remember, and regretted it. 

Rubbing his eyes, he sat up in the hotel bed. It was only 6:30, but he got up anyway and got into the shower, trying to wash off the night before.

Changing into new clothing, he sat back down on the bed and plugged in his phone, which he had neglected to do the night before.

Once it turned on, a flood of messages had appeared on his screen.

JJ: Oh. My. God. You won’t believe what Emily just told me.  
JJ: She told me how sexy I looked today? Why would Emily do that???? Help  
JJ: I’m going to assume you’re either dead. Text me when you wake up idiot.

When Spencer saw that the messages were sent around 10, when he had seen Emily whisper into JJ’s ear, everything made more sense. He chuckled despite himself, and replied, asking if anything else had happened.  
1 text from Emily, God knows he didn’t want to read it.

Emily Prentiss: Okay. I’ve sobered up significantly and I just want to say I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realize what was happening and I should’ve just turned around and not said anything. My mouth works before my brain sometimes, lol. I’m sorry if I ruined something, I won’t tell anyone. Love you Spence, I’m sorry.

He knew she was sorry, and he wasn’t even mad at her, they had all been drunk, but a part of him was still angry. He was angry that Derek had run away, maybe he really did hate him, and his drunk mind just wasn’t thinking straight.

Shaking his head, he got up and finished getting ready. Drying his hair, brushing his teeth, and putting on his shoes didn’t take much time, and it was only 7:00 by the time he finished. 

He needed coffee, god he needed coffee. He rummaged through his bag, finding his wallet, and left his room. The walk to the elevator was silent. By the time he was in the lobby, his mind was refocused on the case, and not his personal life. 

____________________________________

Derek stared at the ceiling upon turning his alarm off. He didn’t want to check his messages and see that Spencer had texted him. He couldn’t face reality. 

Yes. The kiss happened. No, he didn’t regret it. But he knew that it freaked the kid out, it must’ve, right? Spencer saw him as an older brother, definitely not a lover. ‘They were both drunk, maybe Spencer doesn’t even remember it’ is what he was trying to convince himself. Emily wouldn’t tell anyone, he knew that, but now she knew his secret, and that was enough to make him want to run for the hills and never look back.

When his second alarm went off, he rolled out of bed and showered. Time seemed to move slower than usual. By the time he was ready, he still didn’t feel awake.

He shouldn’t be so scared, he saw Spencer almost every damn day of his life. But now Spencer knew everything, and Derek wasn’t sure he could live with that.

Hotch’s door was unlocked, and Rossi and JJ were already sitting in there, looking over some papers. Hotch smiled at him as he passed him, ear pressed to his phone, leaving the room. Hotch’s smile made him paranoid. Did someone say something to him? Did everyone know?

“Hey Morgan,” JJ said, looking up from the papers, “How’d you sleep?”

“Hey, alright I guess,” He said, walking over and looking at the papers. It was a statement from the sister of the most recent victim, who’s name was Gavin Bell.

Derek sets up at one of the other desks in the room, looking over a file handed to him by Rossi. After a while, the door opened, and Emily walked in. She looks uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. But when Derek expects her to look at him, she looks at JJ, her face turning a bright shade of red. JJ’s face mirrors Emily’s when she sees the other woman walk in, and she quickly looks down at the papers on her desk.

‘Weird’ Derek thought, but he was glad the attention wasn’t on him. What was weirder, he soon realized, was that Spencer wasn’t already in here working. 

“Has anyone seen the kid?” He said, looking up at the other team members. That’s when Emily finally looked at him. The smirk on her face quickly disappeared when she saw how uncomfortable Derek looked.

“No, he texted me a while ago though, it’s weird that he isn’t here,” JJ said, clicking on her phone to confirm that he hadn’t texted her again. “Let's go find him, Morgan”

His stomach tied itself into knots when he stood up, walking out of the room with JJ. When they made it to Reid door, he felt sick.

JJ knocked, but got no response. Three knocks later, the two began calling to him through the door.

“Jesus Christ, are you okay? Open the door, Spence”

“Oh, hey guys,” said a voice behind the pair. It made Derek jump, resulting in a half-full cup of coffee to spill on the back of his shirt.

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” Spencer said as Derek turned around, the rest of the coffee staining the front of his grey button up.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, uh I need to go-” he started, as JJ laughed and started walking away.

Derek crossed the hall to his room and unlocked it. Spencer followed him, continuing to apologize.

“Seriously Reid it’s alright. Now, just let me change.”

“Well, actually that's why I’m here. See this was my last clean shirt because, you know we usually only pack our go-bags for a few days and now-”

“You wanna borrow a shirt? Okay, you could’ve just asked man.” Derek said, opening his bag. 

He tossed the younger man a blue long-sleeved shirt that he hardly wore, before unbuttoning the coffee-covered shirt. He looked up and saw Spencer staring.

“Uh, sorry thanks for the shirt I’m gonna go cha-” he started, but Derek stopped him.

“You have got to stop apologizing, pretty boy.” 

He hated to admit it, but Spencer looked good, despite his shirt being covered in dark coffee and his actions seeming awkward, he looked really fucking good, and Derek couldn’t help himself.

His lips brushed against the other man, and all of the worries that had previously occupied his mind left. Now, it was only him and Spencer, completely sober, opening up to each other.


	9. so reid, are you seeing anyone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! sorry this update took so long, it's not super long, my apologies!
> 
> let me know what you think in the comments! 
> 
> as always, if you need anything! feel free to reach out. stay safe and take care of yourself <3

When the two men returned to their bosses' room, their smirks were difficult to miss. Spencer saw Emily and JJ eye each other, before doubling over in laughter. Hotchner and Rossi’s confused expressions only seemed to deepen the shade of red on the cheeks of the team’s youngest agent.

“What’s so funny?” Rossi asked, looking around at the other agents.

“Oh it’s nothing Rossi, nothing at all,” JJ said, patting the older man’s back before crossing the room. It was at that moment that the oldest team member noticed that Spencer was wearing Morgan’s shirt. This realization made him chuckle to himself.

By the time everyone calmed down, they were back to work, wanting to wrap up the case as soon as possible.

Throughout the day, Spencer kept locking eyes with Derek, and he knew that everything would be okay.  
______________________________________________

That evening, Spencer, Morgan, and Hotch were set to go undercover in an attempt to catch the attention of the unsub. By 4pm, they had exhausted all other theories, and the men were left with no option but to go get ready. Penelope had called and told Spencer to dress nicely, but because he had worn all of the clothes packed in his go-bag, he had to rewear one of his button-ups.

The three of them were ready by 5, but most of the bars were vacant until 7, so the team decided to go get dinner. Despite Spencer’s complaints, they decided on a Chinese restaurant across the street from the hotel.

Once they were seated, Emily remembered why Reid hated Chinese so much and began teasing him about using chopsticks. Soon, the whole team joined in, and they were all laughing. Spencer was just glad that things seemed to be going back to how they used to be. 

After ordering, they began chatting about their lives, a rare occurrence on cases.

“So, how are things going with the boys and Will?” Rossi turned to ask JJ.

“Good! They’re actually in New Orleans visiting some of Will’s family right now.” JJ responded, pulling up her phone to show the group a picture of her two sons and husband in Louisiana.

As they fawned over the picture, their food arrived. Spencer kept stealing glances across the table at the man consuming his thoughts. He was wearing a tight-fitting blue button-up, with the first few buttons down.

Spencer found that eating with chopsticks had somehow become easier since his last attempt to eat Chinese takeout with Garcia, and the group applauded him when he ate 3 bites of his chow mein without struggling.

When the conversation began to die out, their boss asked a question that shocked the whole table.

“So Reid, are you seeing anyone?”

Spencer’s cheeks instantly turned a bright shade of red, and Emily and JJ began to laugh. Derek uncomfortably shifted in his seat.

“What’s so funny? I know more than you all think I do, I AM your boss after all.”

Hotch looked around at his team, all looking mildly uncomfortable.

“What? Is it cause you’re gay? I know that Spencer, obviously. It was just a simple question!”

“Aaron, you’re so blind sometimes,” Rossi said, chuckling and patting their boss on the back.

Their regular conversation resumed, but Spencer was now preoccupied with his thoughts. ‘Were he and Derek dating?’ ‘Did Derek even like the kiss? Did he think it was a one-time thing?’

After finishing, Emily insisted on paying for their food. Walking outside, Spencer remembered what they were doing tonight. It was likely that he was going to come face to face with their unsub, but at the moment, that was the least of his worries.

Derek was on the phone, laughing at whoever was on the other line. Spencer hated it, but he couldn’t help but feel jealous. 

“Okay, Garcia is insisting on a picture of the three of us, she wants to see Hotch’s “Gay daddy look”, her word, not mine,” Derek said, rolling his eyes.

Hotch, looking awkward and stiff, shook his head and moved next to Derek and Spencer, looking at JJ's phone. After she had taken the pictures and sent them to their resident technical analyst, she smiled at the three men before her.

“You guys look great. Remember, Prentiss, Rossi, and I will be stationed outside, so you’ve really got nothing to worry about.”

Spencer wasn’t worried, they always made it out of situations like this, but he knew the situation was more dangerous then he was letting himself realize.

He began walking with Emily to the bar he was assigned a few blocks away.

“Hotch is really oblivious, isn’t he?” Emily said after a few minutes of awkward silence.

Spencer smiled. He was glad that he wasn’t the only one uncomfortable with their serious, non-emotional boss asking such personal questions.

“I’m really, really sorry about last night,” she said after he didn’t verbally respond, looking over at him.

“It ended up working out, but thank you,” Spencer responded quietly, not sure if he wanted to share what had happened earlier in the day with her.

“Oh, it did? I had no clue, wearing Derek’s shirt all day, the two of you have eye sex during dinner, all seemed like very normal Spencer Reid behavior.” She said, laughing.

Spencer jokingly frowned and punched her arm. The two of them were back to laughing together, and by the time they reached the bar, he was back to his normal self.


	10. how didn't you know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the team catches the unsub, chaos ensues!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all! thanks for being so patient with me, I'm really happy with this chapter. one chapter left! it'll be a good, fluffy one. 
> 
> i hope you're all staying safe and doing well!
> 
> *if you have any requests for the final chapter, lmk in the comments!

Arriving at the bar, the two of them refocused their energy, remembering that they were there on a job, not to have drinks. 

“I’ll be out here, keep me updated please?” Emily said, fixing Spencer’s shirt and hair. He batted her hands away and nodded.

Once inside, Spencer felt very out of place. Men were chatting, some wearing more clothing than others, but all laughing loudly and enjoying themselves. His quiet, somewhat awkward demeanor made him stand out like a sore thumb. 

He ordered a beer, which he didn’t particularly enjoy, but he knew that he needed to stay as sober as possible.

Spencer Reid: nothing yet, none of the guys in here seem very murdery 

Emily Prentiss: murdery?  
Emily Prentiss: you’ve been in there for 5 minutes! Stay focused :)

He rolled his eyes and put his phone back in his pocket, trying to seem like an easy target. A few men came up to him and chatted, but no one stayed long enough for him to profile. Spencer doubted any man in the bar was their unsub, everyone was socializing and dancing, nothing suspicious.

The buzzing in his pocket shocked him, thinking that Emily would leave him alone unless he texted first.  
Derek Morgan: 911  
Derek Morgan: JJ called, he’s with Hotch at Boxers up the street a ways from you. Let's move. 

Spencer paid for his drink and made his way towards the exit, ignoring the man attempting to flirt with him as he passed. Emily stood up from the bench outside as he emerged from the noisy bar, wondering why he had left.

“He’s with Hotch, come on.” He said, motioning her to join him in jogging down the street. Emily had an advantage, not being in the bar had allowed her to wear her usual clothing. Spencer struggled in his slightly too big dress boots and tight pants, trying to keep up with his much more athletic friend.

Morgan, Rossi, and JJ were waiting outside the bar when they arrived.

“Hotch says they’re talking at the bar,” Rossi stated, motioning towards the building with his head. 

Without the help of local law enforcement, the team knew they’d have to make a plan for the arrest in advance. Rossi was going to join Hotch and order him a drink, ready to give the signal to the rest of the team. They wanted to ensure that no civilians were hurt, especially because they were being watched so carefully on this case.

The four of them waited outside, anxious to get word of what was happening inside. Morgan checked his phone every 15 seconds, huffing and grunting in frustration.

“It shouldn’t be taking this long,” JJ said, checking her watch and shaking her head. They all knew that something must have happened.

David Rossi: NOW  
Spencer read the text sent to him and Derek, quickly putting his phone in his pocket and placing his hand on his holster. The two men entered the establishment and began walking towards the men sitting at the bar. 

“FBI! Everyone stay where you are.” Derek shouted, abruptly stopping all conversations being had. People looked at the two of them, terrified, and almost not believing them.

The two of them drew their guns and walked towards Hotch and Rossi, who were sitting next to a horrified looking man.

“You are under arrest for the-” Derek started, grabbing the man and bringing him to his feet. Just as they thought that they had successfully made the arrest without any chaos, a man jumped out of his seat and booked it towards the door.

“Oh, fucking hell,” Derek said, putting the handcuffs back in his pocket and sprinting out of the bar. 

“I’m so sorry sir, our mistake. Enjoy your evening.” Hotch said, putting down a twenty and running out, followed by Rossi and Reid.

Morgan and the unsub were halfway down the block, with Emily and JJ close behind. The three other men began chasing after them.

“How did I miss it? He talked to me earlier, I-” Hotch started, before being stopped by Rossi, who reminded him that running was easier without talking.

Derek had turned into an alleyway, out of sight from the rest of the team. They had almost caught up when they heard the gunshots. 

Spencer picked up his pace, not bothering to assess the situation before turning into the alley.

Both Morgan and the unsub were on the ground. The unsub had a bullet in his chest and was gasping for air. Morgan was clutching his shoulder, wincing whenever he moved. Spencer disregarded the probably-dying psychopath with a gun a few feet away from him and crouched next to Derek.

“Are you okay? Someone call 911!” Spencer called, looking up at the team, who were slowly entering the alley, guns pointed at the man lying across from him.

The man let out a final breath before his eyes stopped moving and his heart stopped beating. Hotch kicked the gun away from the body before confirming that the unsub, who they recognized as the first victim’s boyfriend, was dead.

“Are you alright Morgan?” Rossi asked, kneeling down to help him.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Derek said sitting up against a wall, wincing as he adjusted his shoulder.

“Cops are on their way to get the body, and I called an ambulance for you Morgan,” JJ said, clicking off her phone. 

When local law enforcement arrived, they took their statements before taking the bodies away. The ambulance arrived and took Derek and, much to Spencer’s protest, Rossi to the hospital.

“Spencer, what the hell were you thinking?” His boss asked him. “We needed to assess the situation and confirm that he didn't have a weapon on him. You were three feet away from the guy, you could’ve been killed!” 

“I know, I know. I wasn’t thinking okay. I’m sorry.” Spencer said, not wanting to explain why his logic and reasoning had left his brain the second Derek was in danger.

“I just don’t understand why-” Hotch started before looking at Emily and JJ, then back at Spencer.

“Oh. OH. That’s what Dave meant at dinner? You and Morgan? Wait, Really?” He said, looking between the three people stood before him.

Spencer’s face was flushed and he didn’t know what to say. Emily and JJ’s snickering was all Hotch needed as a confirmation.

“Well, no matter the circumstances, that was stupid. There will be consequences.” Hotchner said, Spencer nodding, just wanting to end this conversation. 

That’s when his boss broke into a rarely appearing smile, before clapping the younger man on the back and walking him to the SUVs down the street. 

“You know,” He said, looking back at the two women walking behind them, “We’ve had bets on how long it would take to happen.”

“What?” Spencer said, stopping to look at Hotch and the girls. “Seriously? For how long?!”

“Oh Spence, since Gideon. He’s always been so painfully obvious, how didn’t you know?” JJ said, laughing.

Spencer’s face became hot with embarrassment as he jokingly stormed to the car. He was finally at peace. His family loved him, and that’s all he needed.


	11. god, we're like the brady bunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The final chapter, I hope you all enjoyed this story, I loved writing it. Thank you so much for all of your kind words, I've never felt so good about my writing!
> 
> I'm working on a few other stories, feel free to check them out in the future if you'd like!
> 
> ***THERE WILL BE AN EPILOGUE, I WANTED MORE GARCIA CONTENT LMAO

Arriving at the hospital, a wave of anxiety rushed over Spencer, he didn’t really know why. He knew that Derek was okay, and he knew that everyone knew about whatever it was that they had, but he couldn’t help but nervously play with his hands. ‘What if Derek didn’t want people to know? What if he’s ashamed, or doesn’t actually want to be with me?’ He thought to himself as the four of them walked through the glass doors to the lobby of the crowded new york city hospital.

Hotch asked for Derek’s room number, and they got onto the elevator with half a dozen other people going to the eighth floor. 

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked him in a hushed voice, noticing his shaky hands and eyes that were unable to focus. 

“Nothing, nothing. Just tired is all.” He said, smiling slightly at his friend. He knew she didn’t believe him but didn’t want to push him.

When they got off of the elevator, Rossi was waiting for them, leaning against a nurse's station.

“He’s alright, just a little loopy from the stuff they gave him.” He said, standing up straight and walking towards one of the many open doors on the floor.

As they entered 823, Spencer saw Derek taking a picture of his upper arm and shoulder with a ridiculous expression on his face. 

“Mamma wanted to make sure I was okay,” he said, waving his phone around slightly to explain his childlike picture taking.

“You okay?” Emily said, walking closer to his bed and examining the medical wrap around the majority of his left arm.

“I’m all good. Seriously! The doctors aren’t worried, they said they’d let me leave tomorrow morning.” He said, the last statement directed at their boss.

“Well, we can’t leave until then anyway, so you won’t have to catch a flight back on your own. Glad you’re alright, I’ve got to go make some calls, excuse me.” Hotch said, leaving the room and walking towards the visitor's lounge.

The group fawned over Morgan for a while, before agreeing that they should leave and go get some rest before their early morning flight. 

“We’ll see you two in the morning?” Rossi said, motioning between Derek and Spencer. The two of them nodded. Spencer was glad he didn’t have to explain himself to his friends.

Once they had left, Spencer pulled a chair up to the bed and awkwardly sat in it, not entirely sure what to do next.

“Hey pretty boy,” Derek said smiling up at him. Spencer smiled.

“You know how stupid that was, right?” He continued, talking about him running into the alleyway while the murderer was still alive.

“Says you! You’re the one that got shot!” Spencer said, dramatically frowning and shaking his head. That made the other man laugh.

“I’m glad you stayed.”

“Me too.”

They sat there for a while, just looking at each other blissfully.

“What are we doing, kid?” Derek finally said, his voice only above a whisper.

“I don’t know, but I like it,” is all that Spencer could say.

Their lips met slowly, no longer worried about being caught. They stayed like that for a few moments before separating, revealing a wide grin on Derek’s face.

“I shouldn’t believe a word you’re saying, you’re high out of your mind!”

That made both of them laugh.

“Doesn’t matter,” Derek responded, grabbing Spencer’s hand and lacing it through his fingers.

They talked for a while, mostly about mindless things, before Derek’s eyes became heavy.

“I should probably go,” Spencer said, “I don’t think I’m even supposed to still be here.”

“I don’t care. Just close the door, the worst they can do is kick you out.”

Spencer, weighing the options of disobeying the hospital's rules and staying with him or being a good civilian didn’t take long. He shot up and closed the heavy hospital door before shutting the blinds and dimming the lights.

He sat back in the chair, but not for long. Derek laid down and scooted to the side, patting the other side of the tiny mattress.  
Spencer joined him in the bed, gratefully for Derek’s warm embrace. Spencer pulled out his phone and quickly set an alarm before the two of them drifted to sleep.  
__________________

The sound of the alarm woke them both around 5 am. The arms wrapped around him were warm and strong and lovely. He never wanted to move, willing to stay here in this hospital bed forever. 

He checked his messages. Hotch texted the two of them, letting them know that they would be there to get them at 5:30. A second text from their boss was sent just to Spencer, which reminded him that him staying at the hospital definitely broke some sort of protocol, but that he would fail to mention it in his writeup of the case. This made Spencer smile, despite his often harsh tone and emotionless face, Hotch wasn’t a monster. 

“Let's get you home,” Spencer said, sitting up in the bed and straightening his shirt, which had severely wrinkled during the night. The next thirty minutes were quiet and peaceful, the nurse who signed his discharge papers didn’t ask why Spencer was there, which he was thankful for.

The black SUV pulled up to the front of the hospital at 5:30 on the dot. Hotch and Rossi sat in the front, with Emily and JJ in the very back, tired and grumpy about the seating arrangements.

Spencer helped Morgan into the car carefully, before getting in on the opposite side.

“God, we’re like the Brady Bunch,” was the first thing that Derek said as they pulled away. They all burst into laughter, resuming their usual conversations.

Spencer sat there quietly, not uncomfortable, but happy. His hand was being held by Dereks, and for once he wasn’t panicking about the future. This was his family, and they were all that he needed.


	12. you really missed a lot this week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> epilogue! I felt it was necessary to include Garcia's reaction to the two of them, so enjoy!

The team got off of the plane around 8 am, too early in the day to justify taking it off. They begrudgingly returned to the office, not wanting to spend their first day back with piles of paperwork. 

Spencer tried to focus on work, it was what he was best at after all, but he kept stealing glances at Derek’s desk across the room. He knew that they had to keep things professional, Hotch had made that explicit on the way home, but he couldn’t help himself. 

Around 11, both he and Morgan found themselves in the breakroom. Spencer was there to get more coffee, and Derek was getting a bagel from a box of them on the counter. Somehow, Spencer wasn’t quite sure how the coffee and bagel were abandoned and he was being pushed up against a wall.

That’s when Penelope Garcia saw them. She went to grab her lunch from the communal refrigerator and didn’t even know that the team had returned home.

“OH MY GOD.”

Derek and Spencer quickly separated, worried that it was a supervisor or snitch ready to tell Hotch. Instead, they were met with the bubbly blonde, who quickly closed the door and stood against.

“When? How? Why didn’t this happen sooner?” The questions left her mouth faster than Spencer could comprehend them.

“Okay, okay baby girl you have GOT to calm down,” Derek said moving towards her and putting his hands on her shoulders. 

Spencer stood awkwardly behind the two of them, unsure of what to do.

“I knew you liked him but I never thought you would actually TELL him?? Did this just happen??? I want details!!”

“Wait,” Spencer said, interrupting her mid-sentence. “You always liked me?” The question was directed at the man standing next to her.

“Are you blind? He’s been pining after you since your first day here!” Penelope responded, not letting Derek answer himself.

“Wait really?” Spencer’s blush was hard to miss, “I guess I just assumed that it was recent? I don’t know.”

“Sweetness you have got to calm down. It’s only been a few days, okay? This is new, and I’m not sure our boy genius over there is entirely comfortable with us gossiping about it, at least in front of him, so I’ll come talk to you about it later.” Derek said, reopening the break room door.

“Fine,” Garcia dramatically huffed as she opened the fridge to get her food, she grabbed the tupperware and walked out the door.

“Wait, why the hell is your arm in a sling?” She said, peeking her head back in the door.

“You really missed a lot this week,” Spencer said softly, it made Derek laugh.

“Clearly,” She said, rolling her eyes and turning back around.

The two men laughed, before going back to their desks. Spencer was finally happy. He was finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is *finally* officially over :-( 
> 
> I've loved writing about these lovely characters so much, and hope that you enjoyed it too! Please lmk if you have any suggestions for future stories or if you ever need anything! I'm here for you <3


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